HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE…
It's a proven fact. It's straightforward and easy to understand. It's even been scientifically proven.
So why is then, that people who've been hurt go on to hurt others?
The answer is fear. Yes, fear.
Fear of the unknown. Fear to face and process the experiences that were so hurtful.
Last week I wrote my "I never wanted you" post which really hit a nerve with a LOT of people. It was the most shared and commented on post I've ever written.
I want to touch on some of the things in that post beginning with my Dad. Next Tuesday and subsequent Tuesdays I'll talk about other aspects of that post.
The reason my Dad was so very angry was due to the profound abuse and trauma he experienced growing up.
To numb his pain he used drugs, alcohol and sex. To mask his feelings of unworthiness he pretended to be someone and something he wasn't. They were all attempts to try to make himself feel better and important.
Spoiler alert none of it worked.
The reason that he beat us kids was because:
A. he himself was beaten and abused
B. he felt overwhelmed and out of control.
Things I'm sure he learned from his parents who in turn learned it from their parents and so on.
Abuse gets passed on from generation to generation until someone decides to break the cycle. That in fact is the ONLY way the cycle of abuse ends.
I study trauma and all the different healing modalities because I find it fascinating. I recently took a training called the Nuerobiology of Trauma. While I knew or was familiar with much of the material I learned a TON.
One of the things I learned was that there is data from clinical scientific research that clearly links familial trauma being passed down through generations in our DNA.
Let that sink in for a moment.
I teach my clients that everything we experience is stored in the cells of our bodies. Everything. So in order to heal on a cellular level we need to release it FROM our bodies. We do that by allowing ourselves to experience the emotions so we can both release them and heal that past painful experience.
Many of my clients are therapists. They understand that they need a safe place to process and heal their own past pain in order to serve their patients at a higher level. They need and want to be in integrity which is why they do their own personal healing work.
On my 6-29-20 episode of Breakfast in the Barn I talked about how to choose a coach or therapist that's right for you. There incredible therapists out there as well as not so incredible, the same goes for coaches.
Circling back around to my Dad.
In January 2017 my Dad sincerely made amends for the pain he had caused me and then spent every day for the next 6 months, until the day he died, trying to make up for his actions.
After his initial amends he called and or texted me every single day to tell me how much he loved me and how grateful he was that I was in his life.
To be honest at first it was completely overwhelming. In the beginning I really struggled with being able to let the love that he was doing his best to pour into me in. I got to the point I LOVED getting his calls and texts, it made me feel so special, cherished and loved. Something I had always longed for from my Dad and never felt or received.
It was deeply, deeply healing for me on so many levels.
So much so that on the day he died I grieved his loss in a way I never dreamed I would. Miracles truly do happen, really truly they do.
Just imagine if he had had the courage to do his healing work earlier in his life. What an impact that would have had on the lives of everyone he loved and who wanted and tried to love him.
I can't even imagine what course my life would have taken if the Dad I had for the last 6 months of his life had been the Dad I had during the majority of my life.
I understand that I can come across as bossy, judgmental and even angry when I talk about people doing their own personal healing work. I do.
It's just that I'm SOOOOOOOOO incredibly passionate about people doing their healing work. The reason being that so much needless pain and suffering is caused when we choose not to do it.
We don't just hurt ourselves, we hurt everyone in our lives, which in turn hurts the ones they come in contact with and so on until the cycle is broken.
Hurt people hurt people.
Isn't it time for you break the cycle in your life?
Feel the fear and do it anyway, you can do it - I believe in you!
Huge Love,